I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
i drank out of a bidet.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
