just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
