i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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