Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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