She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
