she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Randomize
