I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
someone threw a dead crab at me
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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