Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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