you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
