Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
is wine microwaveable?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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