In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
