one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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