i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
