Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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