Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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