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So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Randomize
