i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
