I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
