I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I deserve this hangover.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
