You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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