How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
