TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
