My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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