Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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