is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
