Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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