so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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