she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
