plz talk dirty to me
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
two words: eviction party
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
