So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize