imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
