You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
