no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
