I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
