my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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