Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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