Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize