You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
