i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Randomize