Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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