I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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