He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Randomize