No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
