there's paper in my vomit.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
