if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Randomize
