I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
