that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
