i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
