She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
