I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
