I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
