whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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