Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
