I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
