Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
