Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
