apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
