I was born with a shot glass in my hand
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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