I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I just googled if crying burns calories
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
