I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Randomize
