she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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