I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
