dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
