AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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