I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
