This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize