Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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