just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
